Can a parent fail?

Sure he/she can.

Especially in Malay culture, we usually blame the parents if the kids misbehave.

Example:

"Si Polan tu tak reti-reti nak hormat orang tua ke? Mak bapak die tak ajar ke?"

Kan? Kan? It always goes like this.

There are two possibilities as to why the kid tak hormat orang tua:

1. The parents really didn't teach the kid anything. In this case, yes, Mr. and Mrs Parent had failed in teaching their child some basic manners.

2. The kid is just obtuse. In this case, Mr. and Mrs Parents had done their jobs, but the kid is just too stupid/ignorant to practice a few basic manners.

In Malay culture, I think we have a few (or maybe a LOT) pantang larang that parents just have to tell their kids. The kids wouldn't know if the parents didn't teach them earlier in life.

For example:

*Jalan depan orang tua kene tunduk, then put your hand in front.
You know, like "tumpang lalu" like that?

*Don't play with people's heads.
I never played with my sis or bro's heads, I sure as hell don't play with my friends' heads.
Play here doesn't mean I use the heads as soccer ball or something.
It's more like patting, making fun, or touching the heads.

In fact, I find it offensive when people play with my head (like patting it), or if I see someone else's head being patted, etc.

Mak told me orang Melayu pantang orang main kepala-kepala nih.
So yeah, I really respect people's heads. So please, don't touch my head. It's rude. Yes, it is.

*Kalau dah makan, jangan tukar-tukar tempat.
They say if you do (change places), nanti bini/laki banyak. It's impractical anyways, to cart your dish and cup to other places.

*Kalau orang sembahyang, jangan buat bising.
In fact, my Abah told me if people are praying, you're not supposed to baca the Quran, cause it might disturb those who're praying.

So really, the least you can do is whisper. Or talk in really low volume.
If people are praying, and I have friends with me, I try my best to shut up, or whisper.

Some people can be disrespectful. They even laugh like hell when others are praying.
Rude really, if not sinful.

*Anak dara jangan duduk terkangkang-kangkang.
Memang tak sedap mata memandang.
I used to think that my Mak was simply too over when she told me this.
But as I grow up, I saw a few girls terkangkang-kangkang, and yes, my mata didn't like what they were seeing.
Betul-betul tak sedap mata memandang.
So I guess Mak wasn't too over after all. She just wanted her daughters to turn out OK.



So these are a few examples of Malay adats. Some must really be taught by the parents.

I've met people yang for some reason, don't adhere to these adats.

And you guess it, my thoughts went like "Ni mesti Mak Bapak dia tak ajar dia betul-betul nih."

So I'm a traditional girl. So what?

You can call me kolot, I don't mind. A parent's job is to line up the rules of the society to the kids so that they can fit in , or conform to the society.

I think the only valid reason for a parent to not teach their children these rules is if the kids are constantly moving. So there would be no use to adhere to one society's rules.

The other valid reason is if you live in South Pole and the only "society" you mingle in there consists of penguins. In this case, you might just need to squawk and swim and feed on cuttlefish.

No manners or adats are necessary.


So yes, parents can fail if they didn't bring up their children the right way.

Who's to judge if you have fail or not?

First is the society members (like me), who will immediately judge the parents' inability to educate the children.

Second, Allah might judge the parents. This is especially true when it comes to Islamic things. If your children don't pray (even when badan dah besar gabak, dah boleh jadi bapak orang), then the parents will tanggung some of the dosa.




I'm traditional, so what? If you think you're free from conforming to societal rule, think again. Everyone tries to fit in at some level.

Everyone does.

Unless if you live in the South Pole.

(:

P/S: Try asking your parents if the adats I list up there are true or not (especially if you're Malay). If you're surprised with the adats, that might mean your parents didn't bring you up properly. Joking, joking...

P/P/S: Ask your parents about more adats they know.